Schrödinger‘s Bathroom¶
In the olden days Of misery and confusion Before I could be me The decision on where to piss Could barely be said to be a decision at all.
It was more like a reflex. My bladder fills up And my body commands my brain To excrete a foul yellow liquid from my cock. To expel
Toxins Poisons Impurities Excrements of body and soul.
In other words, to piss.
But as the process involves whipping ones dick out And excreting a fluid from it One simply cannot do it wherever! For reasons both sanitary and ethical.
And so therefore One gallivants to the lavatory To drain the foul serpent. To empty ones bladder. And go on with their day.
Finding such a room Where it’s socially appropriate To pee uninterrupted Was never much of a thought When I lived my life as a man.
But when I decided to live as a woman And to be who Ive always been Deep down inside The calculus of where to piss Took on a life of its own.
The bathroom ceased to be a mere reflex. My “choice” If one could even say it involved an act of the will Took an odd development.
No longer was the decision to pee Merely a reflex of my mind reacting to my body. It took on whole new dimension.
When I need to piss I’m no longer just a woman But rather a commander On an ideological battlefield In the war against fascism.
My conscious decision Of where to excrete urine Has evolved from a choice of convenience Into a tactical assessment of battlefield safety.
If I pee in the womens latrine Will Fraulein Hitler be there? Waiting for me, like a jaguar Ready to pounce on her prey?
Will a histrionic female SS officer Shriek in delight, calling me a rapist And loudly harass me as a ladyboy Who seeks to harass her in the sacred space Of the female latrine? Of that divine porcelain temple To the feminine goddesses?
However…
If I piss in the men’s room Will Herr Obersgrüpenfurher Himmler be there? Waiting for me, like a jaguar Ready to pounce on his prey?
Will a histrionic male SS officer Shriek in delight, calling me a faggot And murder me for being a ladyboy Who totally wants to suck him off In his totally-not-gay-bro Definitely-not-a-fantasy Sexual intrusive thoughts he’s ashamed to have?
My bodily urges have forced me To adopt the world view Of that famous physicist Schrodinger Renowned for his pussycat
Oh how I empathize with that cat Who’s fate we cannot know Who’s status of alive or dead Remains indeterminate Never to be seen Until I open the doors Of a bathroom adorned by a gendered sigil And plunge forward Into quantum uncertainty